Because "Apple" wasn't an idiotic enough child-of-celebrity name
Last week Julia Robert's new spawn joined the ranks Bijou, Dweezil, Rumor and Scout...

Roberts, 37, who was due in January, delivered the twins-- a boy named Phinnaeus Walter Moder and a girl named Hazel Patricia Moder in a Los Angeles hospital at around 3 a.m. Sunday morning, according to People magazine.

mtv.com - News - Julia Roberts Welcomes Phinnaeus And Hazel To The World
- posted by liz @ 11/29/2004 10:37:00 AM 2 comments

 
Happy Anniversary to me!
It's been a whole year of this shit. Goddamn, that's a lot of procrastination. Ah well. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Anniversary, and happy food coma to everyone. And by everyone, I mean you, mom.

ANNYway... a little home-for-the-holidays update, completely devoid of correct grammar, punctuation and/or spelling:

I went to the mall last night to see spongebob squarepants with my cousin. i have never seen so much white trash in my life. let me give you a little fashion update:
apparently, in massachusetts, gigantic pants and skater shoes are still in style. additionally, many young men are still working that fetching columbine-trenchcoat look. every 14-year-old girl is incredibly overweight and 9 out of 10 is wearing flip-flops with a puffy down parka, accessorized with a lip ring and an extra large mountain dew in a plastic souvenir cup from taco bell in the food court. every old lady is absolutely massive. every old man is absolutely massive. their clothes are circa jerry's parents on seinfeld. think pants too high, think synthetic fabrics that potentially cause tumors in the wearer. all of the mom-types have fake nails. all of them. (thankfully, my mom has just retired her 25-year stint with acrylic finery times 10...). they also have fake blond hair (ubiquitous curling-iron use apparent), high-rise jeans of the stonewashed variety, and white (white!) tennis/gym sneakers and/or keds. yes! keds! this place is a virtual museum of american history, 1991-1993. It's pretty amazing. Oh yeah, and everyone. EVERYONE, with the exception of the one asian lady who offers up pieces of chicken on toothpicks in front of the jumbalaya grill (nope, not kidding), is white. and most likely catholic. and most likely of irish descent. it is so creepy. it's like a timewarp into ickiness. i can't believe this is where i grew up.

Today my mom is making me go with her to the michael's craft store so that she may purchase entirely too many fake branches and pieces of "greenery" and boughs of holly covered in fake chrystals of snow to stick up all over her mauve and sage-colored living room so that it might look more "festive." I will sit back and try not to make snide comments while i work my way through a fourth bottle of beaujolais (le beaujolais!!) and the rest of the peach pie. I would be working my way through the pumpkin, but mom bought that one from the culinary arts department at the school where she works and the young gourmands appear to have substituted salt for sugar. not so delicious. whatever.

last I came home exceptionally drunk, after seeing 4 friends from high school (all engaged, one now divorced with 16 kids who, one who hit on me relentlessly and kept using the phrase "i'm so drunk, you're so gorgeous") and I managed to plow through a vat of marinated mushrooms and the rest of the butternut squash. I think I gave my number to one of that guy. in fact, i seem to recall screeching "we're SO doing lunch tomorrow! you live with your parents still right??"
- posted by liz @ 11/27/2004 01:55:00 PM 0 comments

 
Goodbye tussin, helloooo Cadbury!
"An ingredient in chocolate called theobromine seems to suppress persistent coughs and may help scientists develop new and better cough medicines.
Researchers at Imperial College London found that theobromine is nearly a third more effective than the leading medicine codeine in stopping persistent coughs, BBC News Online reported."

I think I feel a cold coming on....mmm...

Health News - Can Chocolate Be a Cough Suppressant?
- posted by liz @ 11/23/2004 03:41:00 PM 0 comments

 
Oh, yeah, I've just met a new friend. You'd like 'im too...


"'Beaujolais Nouveau owes its easy drinkability to a winemaking process called carbonic maceration-also called whole berry fermentation. This technique preserves the fresh, fruity quality of the wine, without extracting bitter tannins from the grape skins. '"

[via Maccers]
- posted by liz @ 11/23/2004 01:45:00 PM 0 comments

 
Xenophobes unite.
In Santiago yesterday, President Bush himself joined a confrontation between Chilean security and some of his agents. Perhaps the American president wished to consolidate his support among that considerable segment of our citizenry that instinctively dislikes foreigners -- and whose understanding of manliness makes the primitives studied by anthropologists, or the large apes studied by the primatologists, seem very civilized.

Salon.com | The ugly American
- posted by liz @ 11/23/2004 09:36:00 AM 0 comments

 
Because it still makes me happy.


ncdnb.com
- posted by liz @ 11/22/2004 05:26:00 PM 0 comments

 
Thank frigging god for my horoscope...
Holy shit, and I was SO about to purchase some high end equipment. I may have just saved ius all from the apocalypse.

Buying electronics would be particularly treacherous during a Mercury retrograde period.

AstrologyZone-Cancer
- posted by liz @ 11/18/2004 10:03:00 AM 0 comments

 
My god, this is the funniest thing I've read since learning that Condi is the new Colin:
"Diet Cherry 7-Up is a very good mixer. So good that you don't even taste the vodka. So good that you don't even realize how much vodka you're putting in your drink. So good that you may or may not get a little teary over 'Braveheart'. So good that after watching 'Braveheart' you download 'The Electric Slide' to cheer yourself up, listen to it 20 times in a row, and actually do the Electric Slide on the last eight or so listens. Also, on the last three times, you take your pants off, grab your penis, and make your penis do the Electric Slide with you. And yes, you are single. "

Everything is wrong with me
- posted by liz @ 11/16/2004 02:58:00 PM 0 comments

 
YES yes yes. Excellent move, Mr. Powell.
Powell is abandoning ship? Smart man.

"WASHINGTON (AP) - Secretary of State Colin Powell has told top aides he intends to resign from President Bush's Cabinet, high-ranking State Department officials said Monday."

Powell Said Poised to Leave Bush Cabinet (My Way News)
- posted by liz @ 11/15/2004 10:23:00 AM 0 comments

 
And now for some real entertainment:
Salon's Sean Elder makes the case for a more honest Crossfire:

Fans of "Smackdown" know that each character has a back story, a mentor, a finishing move. Most intriguingly, they can cross over to the other side at will. Take "Raw" superstar Triple H (Hunter Hearst Helmsley) aka The Game aka the Cerebral Assassin. After a brief period in which he fought on the side of niceness, "The Game's true colors came shining through and he has once again found himself listening to the fans' jeers," according to his WWE bio. "To further solidify the fact that he doesn't care about the fans, Triple H aligned himself with 'the dirtiest player in the game,' Ric Flair, Randy Orton and Batista. Together, they called themselves Evolution."

Are you listening, Begala? You know how those red-state hicks feel about evolution; I think you could steal this one wholesale and no one would be the wiser. Imagine Tucker's mashed-in face when you deliver a pump-handle slam on his supine person. Of course his bow tie could start spinning in a defensive maneuver, blowing pixie dust into your eyes while the Undertaker sneaks up behind you and throws you into a coffin, cackling, "How do you feel about the right to die now?" That's when a trap door could open and the Ragin' Cajun could appear to the strains of "Gris-Gris Gumbo Ya-Ya," carrying a flaming skull.


Tucker the Terrible vs. the Ragin' Cajun [via Salon]
- posted by liz @ 11/13/2004 10:34:00 AM 0 comments

 
We'll see...
"Roland Watson writes in the London Times: 'President Bush named as his new Attorney-General yesterday the man whose legal opinion critics blame for opening the door to the torture of Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib. . . .
'But his nomination places Mr Bush on collision course with the Senate, which must approve Mr Gonzales' appointment, and risks re-opening many of the most controversial episodes of the first Bush term, including the establishment of the Guantanamo Bay detainee camp.' "

Deciding What's Salient About Gonzales (washingtonpost.com)
- posted by liz @ 11/11/2004 12:40:00 PM 0 comments

 
The best advice I've heard so far:
"But we have got to get over that. Holing up alone and abstaining from nooky is letting the terrorists -- and the abstinence advocates -- win! Plus, what better way to annoy the family values brigade than having really kinky sex. "

Salon.com Life | Perverse pleasure is the best revenge
- posted by liz @ 11/11/2004 10:56:00 AM 0 comments

 
I can't help myself.
Does President Bush have a MANDATE??

Dating is fine. Marriage, apparently, is problematic [via Low Culture]
- posted by liz @ 11/10/2004 03:01:00 PM 0 comments

 
I KNEW Sara'd be all over this shit:
I can picture Ashcroft's resignation checklist:

1) Overcrowded federal prisons from my support of preposterously high federal sentencing and my procedure of demanding appeals on any federal sentence I find too low--Done

2) PATRIOT ACT I and II--In the Bag

3) Criminalizing Abortion--I think GW will be able to handle this w/o me when he gets to appoint a SC justice

4) Physician Assisted Suicide--Ooooh, I KNEW I forgot something. Not that I don't have faith that our strict constructionist appointee will manage to twist the Constitution to fit right into her/his political (conservative) values and take this out of the states, it's just, well, let me force the issue NOW

5) Becoming a National Sex Symbol--Damn that Rumsfeld

Say Goodbye to your Morning Prayers... [via Inanity]
- posted by liz @ 11/10/2004 02:51:00 PM 0 comments

 
Gonzales to replace Ashcroft: and this is from FOX. Ha.
"It is uncertain whether Gonzales, 49, will have more affection from Democrats. He is expected to face the same criticism as Ashcroft for trying to develop a balance between civil liberties and waging the War on Terror.

Gonzales has been at the forefront of developing White House policy about detaining terror suspects for extended periods without access to lawyers or courts. He wrote the February 2002 memo that allowed Bush to claim the right to waive international treaties when it comes to prisoners of war who do not represent other countries. Human rights groups criticized the memo, which they said gave way for abuses like that in the Abu Ghraib (search) prison scandal."

If I was Bush's PR person, I'd say that this might be a rather large faux-pas...

FOXNews.com - Politics - Gonzales to Replace Ashcroft
- posted by liz @ 11/10/2004 01:42:00 PM 0 comments

 
You wake up in the morning and this is what you see
And you get all depressed, because well, the shit is depressing. Then you remember (obviously, it's an afterthought) that you're not even fucking IN Iraq, or even close to ANY situation like this, but rather you're depressed because you have to see it when you turn on your high-speed internet in your overpriced apartment in the country that is actually responsible for making this boy a war-wounded orphan.



"BILAL HUSSEIN/The Associated Press - A boy recovers in a Fallujah, Iraq, hospital after a U.S. airstrike on Saturday in Fallujah, which killed his father and wounded his brother, said hospital officials. U.S. jets pounded Fallujah early Saturday in the heaviest airstrikes in six months, including five 500-pound bombs dropped on insurgent targets."

The Jackson Sun News - Iraq under 60-day emergency rule

- posted by liz @ 11/09/2004 09:07:00 AM 0 comments

 
Debunking the press conference:
It took a little while, a little time and effort, some tough analysis, but I think I'm starting to understand what the Shrub is really trying to say:

'With the campaign over, Americans are expecting a bipartisan effort and results. I will reach out to everyone who shares our goals and I'm eager to start the work ahead,' Bush said in a news conference at the Executive Office Building in Washington. = Your expectations mean very little. Get on my side or get off the boat.

We have one country, one Constitution and one future that binds us. To make this nation stronger and better, I will need your support, and I will work to earn it. = OK, OK, to make things a little easier...free blowjobs on me!!

CNN.com - Bush: 'Americans expect results' - Nov 4, 2004
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 03:59:00 PM 0 comments

 
What the world thinks Bush should do now...
He should raise taxes on the rich, put a huge injection of cash into Stem Cell Research, scrap the National Missile Defence programme, defend the right to abortion, keep religion out of politics, make an acceptable peace between the Palestinians and the Israelis, build an international coalition through the UN to take over in Iraq utilising mainly Arab troops and construct an American National Health Service free at the point of use. What are the chances of that happening eh! --Daniel E, London, UK
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 01:45:00 PM 0 comments

 
OR, you could look at it this way:
"But in a way this is worse than being dumped. If you get dumped, your buddies can take you out, get you all liquored up, and point you in the direction of some massive 300 pounder with a moustache that you can take home and manhandle with reckless and drunken abandon. But with the election, I realize that for the next four years, four years that may be the most important of my life as I am faced with the prospect of becoming serious about my career (ha!), getting married (highly unlikely), starting a family (not intentionally), and becoming a real-life adult, I will have no respect either for the intelligence nor the leadership abilities of my President. Not only that, but now I have serious questions about the citizenry of the United States, as I am unable to grasp how almost 60 million Americans could have voted for this man and his policies."

Everything is wrong with me
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 11:21:00 AM 0 comments

 
Another good point.
"can someone remind me why secession is not an option at this point? i mean let's be realistic, we live in a divided country. can't we have the breakaway republics of 'north-east-istan' and 'pacific-stan'? wouldn't the red states be happier without us?' "

from moby's journal 11.3.04
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 09:32:00 AM 0 comments

 
Oh, this is genious
"...the country and world would benefit from making Bill Clinton the next secretary general of the United Nations. He will do the repairing of alliances that would have been President Kerry's greatest achievement. "

Salon.com | What do we do now?
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 09:23:00 AM 0 comments

 
World takes stock as Bush victory sinks in
..a pretty interesting list with a broad range of world opinions:

"After a flood of congratulations to US President George W. Bush on winning a second term in office, world leaders Thursday were taking stock of what four more years of 'Dubya'in the White House would bring."

Khaleej Times Online
- posted by liz @ 11/04/2004 08:58:00 AM 0 comments

 
Salon.com | Let's get real
"Just think, four more years of endless war, endless fear-mongering, endless American soldiers and Iraqi civilians dying every single day, endless increases in the deficit and air and water pollution, endless cronyism, endless tax cuts for billionaires, endless shredding of the Bill of Rights, endless under-funding of public education, endless color-coded terror alerts, endless bleeding of the Social Security and Medicare budgets, and endless right wing judicial appointments! I haven't been this excited and hopeful since my dog died! "

Salon.com | Let's get real
- posted by liz @ 11/03/2004 05:00:00 PM 0 comments

 
Daily Kos :: Political Analysis and other daily rants on the state of the nation.
"...what I found in my reading was a plethora of bashing Christians, bashing Kerry, bashing gays, bashing Edwards, bashing Kos, bashing America and bashing each other. As well as a lot of people saying they're abandoning the Democrats, abandoning politics, abandoning the country. This descent into despair and irrationality and surrender puts icing on the Republican victory cake.

Why were we in this fight in the first place? Because terrible leaders are doing terrible things to our country and calling this wonderful. Because radical reactionaries are trying to impose their imperialist schemes on whoever they wish and calling this just. Because amoral oligarchs are determined to enhance their slice of the economic pie and calling this the natural order. Because flag-wrapped ideologues want to chop up civil liberties and call this security. Because myopians are in charge of America's future. "

Daily Kos :: Political Analysis and other daily rants on the state of the nation.
- posted by liz @ 11/03/2004 09:44:00 AM 0 comments