The Week In Friendster
In some meager attempt to make up for lost time with a grand gesture, and in light of several recent discussions regarding whether or not it is "normal" to "friendster-message," I've decided to give anyone who cares a glimpse into the world that is my friendster inbox. Naturally, as I am writing this, and I don't want to personally appear lame, I have failed to include any of my responses, if I did choose to respond. I think it's more fun this way. Now YOU can decide who I should friendster-message back. yikes.


From: Jordan
Date: January 20, 2004 11:33 AM
Subject: haha
Message: i was just poking around on freindster and here you are. i even clicked on your picture becuase i thought you were cute, not realizing it was you.jordan

[This was sort of hot, but it was after an actual in-person meeting and not just a random message. Of course, I don' t really believe that he "randomly" found me on friendster. Clearly, I had already friendster-stalked him by the time I got this... Oh well. This is how the week started out.]


From: Simian
You are connected to Simian through:
You Brian Danny Lady-S Simian You Brian Scott Lady-S Simian You Vincent Dana Julie Simian
[See all 11 Connections]
Date: January 21, 2004 2:36 PM
Subject: liZ
Message: just browsing......i really like your profile............i stay in the greater los angeles area.........originally from chicago..........musician/poet/artist......looking to meet people w/ same interests........i also print t-shirt designs in my spare time.......outgoing....love to travel..............spontaneous....wild at times......yet down to earthy..........maybe we can be buddies.......if you decide to add me...my email is.......burningbaby13@hotmail.comsimian.....p.s.the pics on my profile are NOT of me.......they are from my extensive photo collection.....take care...keep in touch

[Simian has issues with the elipsis. In addition, do we not first have to "be in touch" to "keep in touch"?]


From: Paul
Date: January 22, 2004 2:13 AM
Subject: Miz Liz
Message: hey Robin Hood,Need a new massage therapist?P>

[It must be stated here, that though this message is brief, a picture is indeed worth a thousand words. Paul is h.o.t.]



From: Holmes
You are connected to Holmes through:
You Meanie Maranda Vyvyan Andrea Holmes You Meghanne Bree Brian Life Holmes You Meghanne Frankenstein Miriam Holmes
[See all 20 Connections]
Date: January 22, 2004 1:09 PM
Subject: hey
Message: you're cute!mark


[mmm. This is so effective. I'm getting hot just thinking about that use of exclamation point.]


From: Sebastian
You are connected to Sebastian through:
You Brian amy k Sebastian
Date: January 27, 2004 12:46 PM
Subject: let's go, now
Message: I like urgency. You don't have to think too much when you do something fast. Not thinking at all works best. Kill the future!


[I like this one. He could be my new boyfriend. I admit it, the banter has definitely continued.]


From: Rob
You are connected to Rob through:
You Meghanne Pete Laura Rob You Aislinn Noah Lord Chadwick Rob You Brian kett-NERD Rhb Rob
[See all 12 Connections]
Date: January 27, 2004 2:10 PM
Subject: your favourite friendster stranger
Message: hello my name is rob how are you doingi'm writing you to say hello. i read your profile and you said you like bars with fire places which is a coincedince because i like playing with matches in bars. anyway when your not robbing the rich what do you do? i'm guessing your an artist judging from our friendster connections yes/no?


[And though the man does bear more than a slight resemblance to Vin Diesel, I believe the message merits at least a few bonus points. Take note gentlemen: makes reference to my profile, asks an interesting (or at least somewhat relevant) question, does not include the phrase "you're cute!"]


From: Mike
Date: January 27, 2004 7:31 PM
Subject: greetings
Message: hello,my name is mike. i'm 22, originally from nyc, but i go to school in maryland. i'm into meeting new people and you seem really cool. write back if you like and maybe we'll chat sometime. my AIM name is TheGreekNinja~mike


[And there you have it. This morning, I was greeted by TheGreekNinja. And I don't think I'll ever be the same.]
- posted by liz @ 1/28/2004 12:33:00 PM 0 comments

 
More cutting and pasting, more anti republican blah, blah, blah.
Moby posted this joke that someone sent him. It's good.

"" The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom.
Governor Marc Racicot, RNC chairman, explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're getting screwed.""

Bushin30seconds Awards Show [via Moby Journal]
- posted by liz @ 1/15/2004 03:39:00 PM 0 comments

 
I really don't think a lot of additional commentary is necessary on this one.
"Fat won’t beat me this time, and below you’ll find my foolproof plan to make 2004 the year I make thinner… a winner!"

[numbers 1-5 and 7-10 are important too, I just found #6 to be particularly...relevant]

"...6. Keep careful food journal, re: What I Wanted/What I Ate.

Breakfast. What I wanted: pancakes with hot syrup. What I ate: cottage cheese, one slice tomato.

Snack. What I wanted: pancakes with hot syrup, smothered in melted butter, with a dollop of fresh whipped cream and sizzling hot bacon. What I ate: string cheese.

Lunch. What I wanted: club sandwich. What I ate: pancakes with hot syrup and peanut butter, three cold hot dogs, dipped in ranch dressing.

Snack. What I wanted: one chocolate-chip cookie. What I ate: 10 chocolate-chip cookies.

Dinner. What I wanted: grilled chicken caesar. What I ate: one package raw bacon.

Snack. What I wanted: sweet deliverance. What I drank: Pinot Grigio."

This Year, It’s Gonna Be Different [via TMN]
- posted by liz @ 1/15/2004 03:05:00 PM 0 comments

 
Thanks for pointing this out, friend.
Good buddy Sara just sent me this email:

"...have you noticed that your blog has the advertisements for the talking george bush dolls/conservative bookstore on top? are you more or less fucking disturbed by this? even as you slam him in your blog, his money making machines OWN YOU!!!"

And HEY! NO. I didn't know that. Effing blogger...
- posted by liz @ 1/14/2004 12:19:00 PM 0 comments

 
Diversity through 'friendstership'
"Friendstership"!! I love it! Personally, I like to further categorize my potentials as "friendster" or "datester," depending, obviously on my intentions. I have yet to come up with anything more catchy than "activity partnerster," but I am accepting any and all suggestions.

From the Onion:

"Me, prejudiced? Of all the slanderous, hurtful, and untrue things you could say! I may have had a somewhat sheltered upbringing, but I'm extremely tolerant of all kinds of people. I would never pass judgment on someone because of the color of his skin. Look, I'll have you know I have several black Friendsters. I have four Friendsters of color right at this very moment, in fact, and I'll probably connect with even more soon. I log on with no preconceived notions whatsoever."

I'll Have You Know I Have Several Black Friendsters [via The Onion via TMFTML]

- posted by liz @ 1/14/2004 10:29:00 AM 0 comments

 
RE: Mr. Bush's "Healthy Marriage Initiatives"
Feel like vomiting first thing in the morning? Yeah, me neither. Unfortunately, I read this crap and lost all control of my gag reflex. $1.5 BILLION to encourage hetero marriage, particularly in low-income areas. Yeah. THIS is going to save us all. Seriously, fuck education and healthcare! Let's spend 1.5 BILLION DOLLARS encouraging people to GET MARRIED. I mean, encouraging straight people to get married, that is. Jesus christ.

"...It also plays to Mr. Bush's desire to be viewed as a "compassionate conservative," an image he sought to cultivate in his 2000 campaign. This year, administration officials said, Mr. Bush will probably visit programs trying to raise marriage rates in poor neighborhoods.

"The president loves to do that sort of thing in the inner city with black churches, and he's very good at it," a White House aide said." [WHAT??]

and then...

"In an interview with ABC News last month, Mr. Bush was asked if he would support a constitutional amendment against gay marriage and gay civil unions.

"If necessary," he said, "I will support a constitutional amendment which would honor marriage between a man and a woman, codify that, and will — the position of this administration is that whatever legal arrangements people want to make, they're allowed to make, so long as it's embraced by the state, or does start at the state level.""

Bush Plans $1.5 Billion Drive for Promotion of Marriage [via NYT]

- posted by liz @ 1/14/2004 09:49:00 AM 0 comments

 
Inspiration, for the first time in nearly a week.
My horoscope was so hopeful this morning ("the conflicts that are still present in your life are there for a reason" !!) that I dared to post again. I had thought perhaps that the end was near, but alas. Thank you Yahoo Horoscope and thank you Choire, for this hysterical 'Dear Santa' response letter...or whatever it is. Seriously, you just have to read the whole thing. It made my day. And that's hard to do lately!

"Do. I. Have. Deer. Funny story, there, Darla. Get yourself some cocoa, it’ll fatten you up. Once, when I was about your age, I lived briefly on a farm. Pretty much a real honest-to-God farm – not here in Manhattan, the last Manhattan farm ceased operation in 1930. (Fun fact!) On this farm, the smelly goatyards were close to the house – handy in birthing emergencies, which always take place at 4 a.m. as I’m sure you know, which is fine; you really don’t want to stick your hand in a goat’s vagina in broad daylight – and the sheep ranged out in the green fields out around Highway 101. "

The Non-Expert: Dear Santa [via TMN]


- posted by liz @ 1/13/2004 12:48:00 PM 0 comments

 
Well, that's one way to get a vote...
Bush sure is a freaking genius. Hmm, I wonnnnder....why.... this just happens to be of interest...now....

'"Out of common sense and fairness, our laws should allow willing workers to enter our country and fill jobs that Americans are not filling," the president said in an East Room speech to members of Congress, his Cabinet and immigrant advocacy groups. '

Huh.

Bush Calls for Immigration Overhaul [via Yahoo News]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 04:04:00 PM 0 comments

 
OH! I can't stop!
This is from last month. I don't care if it's outdated, it's re-readable. So funny. So, so funny. Last month was the "Sundays in Montreal Super-Special."

"Just when we were about to lose all faith in humanity, this Zurich-looking motherfucker came up to us and said, “Hey guys, why so blue?” When we shrugged our shoulders and pointed to all the hippies around us, he just smiled and said, “I understand. Here, Imade this. It’s called the euthanasia stick. Kill me.”"

DON'TS [via Vice]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 01:47:00 PM 0 comments

 
I'll never be sad again.
As long as I have this page to look at over and over again.

What my New Year's resolutions are not (including, but not limited to: "Being the only black kid in Canadian kindergarten can be pretty harsh. When your dad comes from Papua, New Guinea, and doesn’t understand the implications of dressing you in a tiny monkey suit with a felt banana in the pocket, you’re basically fucked for life.")

Ouch. My sides hurt...let's see that page again! Ohmygod. It's still so funny.

DON'TS [via Vice]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 01:34:00 PM 0 comments

 
Oh, if only I could post images without paying.
And maybe, just maybe, if I ever get an ipod...

I'm just waiting for the "cease and desist" letter from Apple [via Vividblurry]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 10:05:00 AM 0 comments

 
2500 times better than a vanity plate.
From Newyorkish:

"Real estate developers Erez Itzhaki and Eric Salomon are opening a restaurant next month in the East Village. The problem? The unimaginative entrepreneurs haven't been able to come up with a name for the falafel joint and are now inviting the public to suggest a name. They'll generously reward the person who comes up with the perfect moniker: the winner will walk away with $2,500 in cash."

Hmmm... Lizzateria has a nice ring to it...

Unimaginitive Duo Looking For You! [via Newyorkish]

- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 09:58:00 AM 0 comments

 
I'm off to drink the Kool Aid.
"There is limited life left. Facing this fact squarely is a great incentive to cast aside your winter torpor and get on with it. This might sound extreme, but I believe the only effective cure for the January blues is death."

Death--The Only Cure for the January Blues [via The Guardian via TMFTML]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 09:47:00 AM 0 comments

 
Who wants to buy me the expensive ticket?
I am absolutely dying to go to the Bush in 30 Seconds contest where "a lefty-celeb panel that includes Michael Moore, Jack Black, Janeane Garofalo, and Gus Van Sant pick the winner of a nationwide contest for a 30-second spot that "tells the truth about President Bush" — without, of course, comparing him to Hitler." Unfortunately, by the time I attempted to buy tickets yesterday, all the cheap seats were sold out. And I would totally give $150 to MoveOn if I had it, but then I couldn't drink--er, eat--for like a month. And I would probably die without my daily 6-pack of premium malt beverages. Then I wouldn't be able to whine about my hatred for the Right. Hence, supreme tragedy, yada yada yada. If you can afford it, go. If you already have tickets, take me with you.

Bush in 30 Seconds-Live [via Flavorpill]
Bush in 30 Seconds at MoveOn.org
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 09:41:00 AM 0 comments

 
I like the boss.
My boss and this one. And I don't care who hates me for it. I will defend Bruce to the death of my glory days. heh.

Bruce Springsteen The Essential Bruce Springsteen [via Pitchfork]
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 09:31:00 AM 0 comments

 
All that I can do.
I have an intern that sits behind me now. Right. Behind. Me. As in, his chair hits my chair. Until he goes back to school in 2 weeks, I'm...limited in my procrastination capabilities... guh.
- posted by liz @ 1/07/2004 09:29:00 AM 0 comments

 
I am like, you know, one of those people on Law and Order. The guys that figure shit out. They are wicked smart.
After an effort that I can only liken to running the NY Marathon, dressed in the snowsuit of Ralphie's brother from 'A Christmas Story,' I have managed to catch up on Britney Spears Debacle #1 of 2004. And I must say, anyone who has questioned Brit's sobriety at the time of the unfortunate event need look no further than her signature. Check out the discrepancy between marriage license and annulment documents... The former, illegible-- the later like a 3rd grader with an 'A' in penmanship! Am I a genius or what?

Britney Ties the Knot [via The Smoking Gun]
- posted by liz @ 1/05/2004 03:40:00 PM 0 comments

 
2004, I'm going to score! Dammit, that's lame.
But sort of accurate. I'm back at work (unfortunately), totally broke (unfortunately), and packing an extra 10 holiday lbs (most unfortunate). Oh well. The gluttony and hedonism was fun while it lasted. I now have this vision of myself from the last couple of weeks, tipsy and on a gigantic, Whitman's Sampler-induced sugar high, ripping through yards of snowman-motif wrapping paper, a glistening strand of drool dangling from the corner of my greasy mouth. This image continuously reappears and then quickly deteriorates as I sit in my cheap IKEA office chair, sipping 3-hour-old starbucks (purchased via giftcard!), staring blankly as the Microsoft Outlook button flashes incessantly, announcing new mail that I have no desire to read, never mind reply to. For the love of god, I'm so overwhelmed right now, I can't even read about Britney's marriage. The only thing I can really commit to at this point is finding a new slogan for my new year. For some reason I need a slogan. Last year was "2003, relationship-free!" And it worked pretty well-- I'm like my own personal life-coach! But 2004 I'm still working on... And it's a damn good thing that lots of words rhyme with 4.
- posted by liz @ 1/05/2004 12:22:00 PM 0 comments