I haven't had this much fun since the Get Up Kids concert!
"Your band gets back together and decides to record a new album. What's going on the cover?

A. Bright, colorful clouds with some trippy Photoshopped effects.
B. A picture of the band and our name.
C. Cadillacs, half-naked chicks, machinery.
D. Plain black cover. Maybe the name of the band and the album.
E. Washed out still life photo with a lot of magenta filtering and other twists."

Quizilla: What Shoegazer Band Are You? [via coolfer]

- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 04:52:00 PM 0 comments

 
Fascinating and Uplifting.
Current cost of war in Iraq [via costofwar]
- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 04:24:00 PM 0 comments

 
I'm serious. I like those green cherry things.
Someone should make me a fruitcake. Or buy me a fruitcake. I really like fruitcake. Any baked goods are fine, by all means, but really, what I would like right now is a fruit cake. A giant, dense, packed with unidentifiable fruit and nut-like objects, weighing in at 12lbs fruitcake. Last year my pal Sara let me have her fruitcake. And though it was a re-gifted fruitcake, it was quite enjoyable. I believe it was German. Though I don't think that matters. The real fun came when I turned over the gigantic titanium tin (in which the fruitcake was "preserved"), and checked out the "Nutritional information." Now seriously, I didn't think it was possible for one inch of delectable fruitcake, one tiny little serving size, not nearly enough to satisfy, piece of fruitcake could feasibly contain over 900 calories. 956 I believe, was the magic number. And what magic it was... In the end, the numeric vision was too much for me to handle. I nearly seized. I had to mentally regroup and physically rehabilitate. Which obviously involved consuming just massive quantities of fruitcake. And goddamn, it was delicious. I'm looking forward to reliving the experience. Please anyone, hook me up with some fruitcake. Regifted or otherwise, I'm all over that shit.
- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 03:12:00 PM 0 comments

 
In today's comedy showcase!
From George Tenet's "interview" with the captured Sadaam (a damn fine translation, I must add):

"HUSSEIN: How's Donald Rumsfeld? I haven't seen him in a goat's age. Well, on the news, but not in person.
Is he still drinking that weak Scotch? Heh, heh. Boy, are there things I could tell you about him. Did he ever tell you about the time we were negotiating warhead sales, and he spilled his Cutty Sark on his crotch? Looked like he had just urinated himself! Ahh, we all laughed at that one!"

The Interrogation of Saddam Hussein [via LiberalOasis]
- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 02:15:00 PM 0 comments

 
Opportunities abound.
I've found a new career option. I think it's a good one.

"IT/Computer Job Opening in St. Petersburg, Russia
Cold Fusion Developer
Location: St. Petersburg, Russia
Job Category: IT/Computer
Job Details: Cold Fusion Developer (#526)
Company: Software development company

Location: Russia, Saint-Petersburg

Responsibilities:

Participation in customer requirements.
Software design and coding.
Requirements:
Macromedia ColdFusion 5.0 Enterprise running ClusterCats (4+ years experience), JavaScript (4+ years experience)"

I could SO do this. This could be me. I could be a coldfusion developer. Does anyone know anything about coldfusion and would maybe like to teach me about coldfusion? p.s. what is coldfusion?

IT/Computer Job Opening in St. Petersburg, Russia [via escapeartist]



- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 02:07:00 PM 0 comments

 
I must be fine because my heart's still beating.
I am currently in love with a 25 year old ivestment banker (and novelist).

"I've been standing in front of the mirror for a few hours now, just practicing profound facial expressions. I light up cigarettes, blow big clouds of smoke, and then look at myself through the smoke, and think of Dr. Zhivago. I've also drawn inspiration from some of the portraiture at the Frick, and scandalize myself by showing a bit of calve to the mirror while placing a finger suggestively on my lip."

But seriously, I'm sick of pining over poorly dressed boys. I need a man. I need a man who wears suits, preferably shops at Paul Smith, and gets his shoes shined. Three piece suits even. Otherwise, I will continue to crush on married art dealers who wear their suits with puma sneakers. This might actually be even hotter...

Alas. I feel as though my sexual frustration is emerging violently, kind of like the scene from Alien, but even more like the parody scene from Spaceballs where the alien bursts out of the chick's stomach and starts singing and tapdancing with a tophat and cane.

This Corduroy Suit Is Delightful [via d-nasty]
- posted by liz @ 12/22/2003 01:41:00 PM 0 comments

 
Oh, you guys!
This has just been the most fun I've ever had on a Friday. In an hour, I'm going to go on a few field trips (forcing me above 14th St. and I'm not too happy about it), but first-- my favorites from Lindsayism's most fabulous homework assignment (all via Bunsen):

"Sploogebiscuit
Northpork
28 Gays Later
Cum and Cumerer: When Harry Fucked Lloyd
Finding Nympho
The Italian Rimjob"

AHhahahaha! The list goes on and on! No matter how many times "School of Cock" was submitted, it just doesn't get old!

Come Justin, On Kelly: Porn Titles For 2003 Movies [via Lindsayism]
- posted by liz @ 12/19/2003 02:06:00 PM 0 comments

 
Happy Friday! Look! Hot Men!
Amy Blair takes a momentary step away from The Week in Craig to pay tribute to some of "celebrity's" finest. Mark Whalberg's ab-shot is particularly of note. If you like that sort of thing.

"To be honest, this has absolutely nothing to do with craigslist; I've just been looking for an excuse to include some pictures of hot men in my column for awhile now, and I thought, what better time than the holidays to include a pervy collection of my favorite half-naked celebrities?"

WEEK IN CRAIG: THE MEN OF BLAIR'S BOUDOIR [via The Black Table]
- posted by liz @ 12/19/2003 10:32:00 AM 0 comments

 
Please send one to me please. Please.
"Finally, a sex toy advertisement you can watch at work without having to turn the speakers down. It's the gift that keeps on giving!"

Seriously. You can definitely watch this at work. I promise. No really. There's no sound! That's the point! Just watch this please. Then buy me one. I don't care who you are. Yes, that's right, even you, Mom.

Come All Ye Faithful [via Fleshbot]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 04:01:00 PM 0 comments

 
GW goes down the crapper.
Chris Elliot, my favorite political commentator (aside from George Stephanopoulos, that sexy, sexy man), has a few things to say regarding the fact that George W. Bush is, in short, a gigantic, useless moron.

"I just think that George W. Bush has been a crappy president. He's a nice enough guy, but his advisors are crappy. In addition to that, his cabinet is crappy, and his chief of staff is really, really crappy. His own vice president is crappy, and Bush himself is crappier than any of them, although in a different way. Bush is stupid-crappy, while his team is evil-crappy."

White House pooper scooper [via Seacoast (via Sara via Hillary)]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 02:33:00 PM 0 comments

 
Couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm of those people who adheres to my daily horoscope. I never walk under ladders and I knock on wood whenever possible. I am constantly seeing something completely irrelevant as "a sign" and I am forever concerned with that which may be jinxed. Thus I am finding great significance in what I have just stumbled upon at TMFTML. Oi Vey.

"We try not to reveal too much about our personal life here on this site, so it may come as something of a shock to you to learn that we have been known, on occasion, to take a drink or two. That being the case, we’d like to go on record as saying that we think this is a bad idea. After all, isn’t half the fun of drinking not knowing exactly how ripped you’re going to get? If there were some standardized way of monitoring the level of drunkenness one was about to achieve, one would never awaken the next morning in a state of semi-undress sandwiched between a visiting sailor and one of the less attractive members of The Big Apple Circus’ clown corps."

Killing the Mystery [via TMFTML]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 11:28:00 AM 0 comments

 
Sweet dreams.
Paul Frankenstein writes 'The past several nights I have woken in the middle of the night to find my t-shirt uncomfortably bunched up under my armpits, as if my unconscious was secretly starring in "Beached Whales Gone Wild!"'

I also suffer from this problem, but it is usually with the pj pants, bunched up around the knee vicinity. That's why everyone should sleep naked. Unfortunately, I don't think my roommate would agree and I wouln't want to inflict that kind of horror upon her.

I Don't Think That There'd Be Much Profit [via Frankenstein]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 11:08:00 AM 0 comments

 
This is what I will be doing for the rest of the day.
Some people are very smart. Even more smarter than me.

Weird moving eye [via A.R.S.E.]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 10:46:00 AM 0 comments

 
4 glasses of champagne and no dinner is not a good idea.
"Holiday work parties can be fun! Remember:

1. The boss loves your impression of your whiny coworker. Your coworker loves your impression of your smarmy boss. Mix up Smarmy and Whiny and you get Fired.

2. If you don't like talking to a coworker normally, don't find out what happens after three margaritas."

I would alsrecommendnd avoiding any and all heart-to-heart conversations with the boss about relationships, life, and the lack of meaningful relationships in your life. This goes double for conversations about your inability to pay your rent/bills/citations for drinking in public.

Rules for the Holidays [via The Morning News]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 10:29:00 AM 0 comments

 
It's the awards edition! or so it seems.
tee hee.

"It's official. Beating Paris Hilton by a nose (or should we say, a bump), Gwyneth Paltrow is the nation's Tramp Of 2003. Not only was Gwynnie the last celebrity we counted on getting knocked up pre-nup, she also denied an entire nation of the big, glorious white wedding that surely would have ensued, were her biological clock not ringing like a nuclear plant alarm. After months of apathy re: impending Bennifer union, the one wedding we actually anticipated was cruelly snatched away. Whore."

Tramp of 2003 [via Megastyles]

- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 10:12:00 AM 0 comments

 
Reawards.
I would like to bestow additional awards on the three venues dubbed as "The New Black" of 2003. Ahem:

"THE NEW BLACK AWARD (three-way tie)
and we’re off, my good man, TNB of ’03:
soho house
lever house
schiller’s"

Soho House receives the "I only know people who have been here, but haven't ever actually been myself, because god knows, who the fuck is going to invite me? and besides, what the fuck would I wear to Soho House, I mean, what does one wear to Soho House? But I feel as though chuck taylors wouldn't go unnoticed...not that I think about this shit. I mean, who cares? Soho House is stupid. I wouldn't want to go anyway, so don't bother inviting me" award.

To Lever House, I give the "Wow, that place seems really beautiful, from all the, ya know, like pictures and stuff, but jesus, it's a little far uptown to, you know, like, actually go to, right?" award.

And last but certainly not least, Schiller's, my favorite and yours, is given the "That place is cool. It even looks cool. Everyone inside it always looks cool. I should go there. Maybe if I went there all the time, I would turn cool? Nah, the line's too long. Instead, I will be satisfied by consistently making references to Schillers, occasionally slipping in the fact that I knew all about it way before it opened and I could list off all of the celebrity-types that have ever entered the goddamn building, and hence, can't you see how ironic and cool I am. I am so cool, I don't have to go to Schiller's. I don't need Schiller's. Fuck you, Schiller's"...ahem...award.

The Pretentious Little One-Pager [via slny]
- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 09:55:00 AM 0 comments

 
Animal masturbation mania!
This morning I learned all sorts of amusing facts about horses slapping monkeys. Also of note, several splendid anecdotes on otters, dogs, Japanese mothers and Leonardo Di Caprio. Receiving first place in the "Wankers of the Year" special edition:

"1. SNOWFLAKE THE GORILLA (RIP)
Now-dead ape superstar was log-flogger

Snowflake, the albino gorilla who appeared on the
cover of a Basement Jaxx album, filled his last
days at Barcelona Zoo with almost constant
masturbation. He suffered from alopecia, eczema
and depression, so the wanking was his only
pleasure (apart from eating his excrement,
which he was also quite keen on)."

*** WANKERS OF THE YEAR SPECIAL *** [via popbitch]

- posted by liz @ 12/18/2003 09:31:00 AM 0 comments

 
Useful, for satisfying cravings for delicious food in the Chinatown vicinity.
Lately, I've been having these life-threatening cravings for Chinese food. It may have something to do with my daily walk down East Broadway. Regardless, I'm convinced that the hot and sour soup at Congee Village is actually magic potion. They also serve $3.50 cocktails. All the time. Fantastic. If hot and sour ain't your bag, you could try this:

Food Emporium Weekly recommendations [via Chinatownweb]
- posted by liz @ 12/16/2003 03:23:00 PM 0 comments

 
I miss the good old days.
I've recently become more pissed off than usual regarding the whole Napster/MP3 bullshit that has occurred in the last couple of years. How is it possible that we've regressed so much in terms of our ability to access music online? It's so completely, horribly annoying. And I hate Metallica and any of the other ridiculous money-grubbing crap musicians. I used to spend literally hours downloading entire albums, only to immediately erase 98% of the mp3s after realizing that they were complete shit. Though (and this is very important) I still actually paid money for an entire cd if it was worth it. As I'm sure millions and millions of people did. Not to mention the plethora of live stuff available through the previous incarnation of Napster, but nowhere else. Ugh. I could go on for hours. Fortunately, not right now. Should you, however, desire to PURCHASE your mp3s, for the SAME PRICE AS A REGULAR CD, you may do so in the form of a NAPSTER GIFT CERTIFICATE, found online, at Radio Shack, or at my personal favorite mp3 giftcenter, Duane Reade.

Napster Music Download Card [via Napster]
- posted by liz @ 12/16/2003 03:03:00 PM 0 comments

 
New music options. Caution: most cannot be found on Canal St.
Here's another roundup of best albums. I love this shit because it's like music recommendations for the next several months. And everything that I should have been listening to all year, had I been cool enough. But as I'm clearly not, please feel free to send christmas gifts my way in the form of gift certificates; Tower, Virgin, it really makes no difference if I can't buy it in bootleg format for $4.

2003 Faves [via Coolfer]
- posted by liz @ 12/16/2003 02:19:00 PM 2 comments

 
This is so much better than whatever else you've been doing...
Clearly, when making clothing out of duct tape, one should make every effort to emulate 14th century european fashion trends. Eat your heart out, Zac Posen...these kids are on to something!

Stuck at Prom: Duct Tape Clothing Project [via Sara]
- posted by liz @ 12/15/2003 04:38:00 PM 0 comments

 
OK, enough political bullshit, back to the regular variety...
I'm sick of Sadaam. Thanks very much, but I'm going to have to say that I prefer my violence and warfare in the form of tight-pants-wearing, pasty-skinned, "rockstars," pummeling eachother and then filing silly complaints. Clearly neither Jason Stollsteimer, singer/guitarist with The Von Bondies, nor the ubiquitous Jack White minds the fact that he is a gigantic sissy. It's a few punches to the face, my friends. Get over it. Barroom brawls just ain't what they used to be...

White Stripes Frontman in Motor City Fracas [via The Smoking Gun]
- posted by liz @ 12/15/2003 02:58:00 PM 0 comments

 
vomit. seeeeerious vomit.
WASHINGTON-- President Bush's approval rating -- which had declined in recent weeks -- moved back up, primarily due to big gains among men and among high-income Americans, according to a new CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll.

Bush approval rating moves back up [via CNN]
- posted by liz @ 12/15/2003 12:11:00 PM 0 comments

 
Reason #6,436 to be completely disgusted.
"My gunner said: 'Is that it? No shooting?"' said Capt. Desmond Bailey, a commander of troops that encircled Saddam.

"He's the best gunner in the troop, so he was a bit disappointed."

Obviously.

Saddam Tried to Negotiate with U.S. Captors [via Yahoonews]
- posted by liz @ 12/15/2003 11:26:00 AM 0 comments

 
Things cannot be otherwise than as they are.
This is great. Or maybe I'm just a gigantic dork. It's the entire text of Candide. You can quote the whole freaking thing! I love it. I love it. ahem...

Candide [via Online Literature Library]
- posted by liz @ 12/12/2003 02:28:00 PM 0 comments

 
I ain't got no illiteracy, yeah?
My personal count is 13 from the Board's list. Sad, I think. More reading, less gossip. Starting maybe about the same time I really quit smoking.

Modern Library 100 Best Novels [via Randomhouse]
- posted by liz @ 12/12/2003 01:07:00 PM 0 comments

 
More quotes from the end of the alphabet.
The well-bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.


Only the shallow know themselves.


The only way to atone for being occasionally a little overdressed is by being always absolutely over-educated.

Call of the Wilde [via Danger Blog! via Maud Newton]
- posted by liz @ 12/12/2003 01:00:00 PM 0 comments

 
Today's theme is literature.
I need to cleanse myself after all that Nicole Richie, not to mention last night's free cocktail debacle.
I'm pretty sure I made an ass of myself all over lower Manhattan.

Annnyway...

"Oh, what a superior man," Candide said under his breath. "What a genius this Pococurante is. Nothing can please him!"
-- Voltaire's Candide
- posted by liz @ 12/12/2003 12:37:00 PM 0 comments

 
And moving on...
Thinking that I could keep up with one single subject matter for an entire day is just ridiculous. Who am I kidding. It's 12:30 and I've just mowed down a delectable bag of microwave popcorn while doing a little non-work related, non-Richie related surfing. And goddammit, I've done well. I'm now thoroughly entertained. And you should be too, by the latest Black List-ing, regarding Salvation Army Santas:

"Don't these beggars see that our arms are laden with Nordstrom bags and there's only 22 shopping days left until Christmas? If we had a free hand we'd have it in our pocket, merrily diddling ourselves to the tune of Jingle Bells, not tossing some change into a red spitoon. Fuck you, Salvation Army Santa. We're naughty and keeping our change. If we want to help the poor, we'll drop last week's issue of Entertainment Weekly in the wicker basket at Starbucks. F -- Bunsen"

THE BLACK LIST: SLOSHING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND [via The Black Table]
- posted by liz @ 12/11/2003 12:30:00 PM 0 comments

 
This research is downright fascinating.
I can't feel my brain!! Google is like, awesome.

"Indeed, the socialites minor infractions, like giving the finger to passing motorists and flashing the locals, have captivated the public's fascination. The show's premiere episode was watched by 13 million last week while the following night's installment, which featured the young ladies critiquing dairy employees for their "fat asses," did even better with 13.3 million viewers. "

I don't even think I have the words left for snarky commentary. Do you ever think about the fact that if you hadn't contributed personally, that statistic would be a mere 12,999,999? I'm like, my own crucial little piece of the world's half-baked pie.

Nicole Richie Staying Sober [via eonline]
- posted by liz @ 12/11/2003 11:17:00 AM 0 comments

 
Do you know the Cat Scratch Club?
OHMYGOD, this is PERFECT! Why did I not think of this. I mean, typecasting, yes, but still completely brilliant.

"Nicole Richie is going after Rent. The socialite-cum-addict-cum-actress is being considered for the part, says casting director Bethany Berg."

Nicole Richie wants her 'Rent' [via Jossip]

"I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs." [via Rent]
- posted by liz @ 12/11/2003 10:34:00 AM 0 comments

 
Nicole Richie Edition.
Because she doesn't get the credit she deserves, I'm going to devote entirely too much valuable time to my favorite part-time farm hand. Let's face it. She's funner than Paris, nicer than Paris, and way more hardcore than Paris.

And at least she has an ass...
- posted by liz @ 12/11/2003 10:25:00 AM 0 comments

 
I LOVE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE.
This is great. This is fantastic. Now if I only thought this wasn't a whole lot of shit talk.

A posted response, regarding the new "Bridget Jones-ized Renee Z."

"I agree with Mr. Nosh. Yes, Baby, give me
a lady who is at least a size 8. Man, how
you gonna enjoy her boobies, and tummy if
you're feel like you licking a popsickle stick.
God Bless all the Sistahs, Blue Eyed and Brunette
Sistahs and all ladies over a sizee 8 who make
life worth living for us Lust filled, Libido
driven, Hetero MEN. Lots of Love to all.

Posted by: ChicagoHomeBoy at December 10, 2003 02:48 PM "

Thanks ChicagoHomeBoy. You should probably move to New York and give conferences on what it means to be a "Lust filled, Libido driven, Hetero man" who doesn't dig on the Paris Hilton type. Or at least introduce yourself so that I can say I've met one.

You Had Me at Jello [via Stereogum]
- posted by liz @ 12/10/2003 04:02:00 PM 0 comments

 
And on a completely different er, note--
HA!. I know a few people who'll appreciate this"

"Marine, Semitic, Ambiguous. Designed in 2003, justjew for women and men is a refreshing, Jewish fragrance. This androgynous scent contains and blend of cantaloupe, green apple, water lilies and is accented with peach, musk and sandalwood. Accompanied with notes of clean Israeli air making jj perfect for anytime wear."

JustJew, the Perfume by Hugo Boss [via Gawker]
- posted by liz @ 12/10/2003 03:51:00 PM 0 comments

 
i need to stop reading the news. it's too like, you know, real and shit.
U.S. Lt. Col. Bryan Hilferty on the accidental killing of 6 children in Afghanistan:

“We try very hard not to kill anyone. We would prefer to capture the terrorists rather than kill them,” Hilferty said. “But in this incident, if noncombatants surround themselves with thousands of weapons and hundreds of rounds of ammunition and howitzers and mortars in a compound known to be used by a terrorist we are not completely responsible for the consequences.”

Also so good to know that this isn't the first time in recent days (yes, days) that a group of Afghan children suffered the "consequences" of US troops. Thanks guys. I feel so, like, defended...

6 Afghan Children Die in U.S. Attack [via msnbc]
- posted by liz @ 12/10/2003 09:13:00 AM 0 comments

 
Today's entertainment provided courtesy MSNBC.
Thank you, MSNBC for keeping me up to date with the worlds most important issues. People keep dying in Iraq, the northeast is getting a big-ass snowstorm and finally, drumroll please:

"Bush team searches for a big idea: Return to moon, fighting hunger could be part of fresh agenda."

I would really love someone to find one word in that entire headline that:
a) inspires confidence in the US President
b) doesn't sound completely ridiculous
c) doesn't make me want to vomit

Ah yes, fighting hunger IS a big idea. Perhaps Mr. Bush could send all those poor starving people some nice Omaha Steaks for Christmas. I hear they even ship internationally. Oh wait, nevermind...

Bush Team Searches for a Big Idea [via MSNBC]

- posted by liz @ 12/05/2003 09:27:00 AM 0 comments

 
You Know Who You Are.
And this is from LAST week's Week In Craig:

"For The Person In Your Life Living In A Tiny Enclosed Cave:

Paris Hilton Sex Tape!!! - $10

this is the real thing on m-peg. it is about 2:56 in length. sound and everything. can only be played on computer. this is rare and hard to find, and may be worth something. this is the real deal guarenteed.

Like the ad says, the Paris Hilton Sex Tape "may be worth something." You know what -- I bet that it totally is worth something! Again -- only $10?! You might even be able to turn around and, like, sell this tape to someone else! Like, say, someone in the media or something! Not only will you be buying the gift of Paris Hilton doing it, but who knows-you might also be making a major investment! This thing could be huge!"
The Black Table
- posted by liz @ 12/04/2003 10:36:00 AM 0 comments

 
He is a very very sneaky man.
snly's pretentious* little one pager raises a really good question this week. One that I'm sure we've all been pondering. Where was Lionel at the Paris/Nicole bon voyage??
slny
- posted by liz @ 12/04/2003 10:03:00 AM 0 comments

 
Great for corporate parties?
Ok, so this is a UK site, so I'm guessing it would cost as much as hiring the actual performers to get these cover bands over here. Alas, this is still good for your reading entertainment. Please note my personal favorites, the "Bootleg Beatles," and "Are you experienced?" (Jimi Hendrix cover band...heheh...).
Alive Network Entertainment [via Popbitch]
- posted by liz @ 12/04/2003 09:54:00 AM 0 comments

 
James Carville: More invigorating than a cold shower and a fresh bar of Irish Spring.
Last night I went to see James Carville at Barnes and Noble in Union Square. He was promoting his new book, Had Enough? A Handbook for Fighting Back. The man is pure genius, as far as I'm concerned. Highlights of his "talk" included a barrage of anti-Republican/anti-Bush jokes (brilliant) after which he basically just started yelling at the audience that the Democratic party needs to get its collective shit together and quit whining so that we can win the election.

When asked his opinion on what democratic candidate would be the most successful, he replied, "The one that reads my book." The book itself is pretty fantastic from what I could tell, reading over the shoulder of the nice lady sitting next to me. I was particularly fond of the section on Rick Santorum, in which Carville equates Santorum with the route of all evil (not to mention a complete homophobic moron) and reminds us that men who actually use the phrase "man on dog" are probably familiar with the phrase through personal internet searches. Ha! Fantastic.
Barnes and Noble
The office of James Carville
- posted by liz @ 12/04/2003 09:25:00 AM 0 comments

 
hours and hours of creative entertainment
If you're not able to spend time with me personally, I suggest this. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you ARE an artist.
Mr. Picassohead
- posted by liz @ 12/03/2003 04:39:00 PM 0 comments

 
The Classifieds
Are you looking for a hot date? Someone to do your taxes? A Baptist demon exorcism specialist? Well have I got the place for you. The members of "OBJECTIVE: Landover Baptist Shutdown," have your ticket to ride--so buckle up!

In the special "members area," you'll meet Dr. Troy Franklin, a "Baptist demon exorcism specialist" who has "battled Satan up close and personal on many occasions." His specialty? "Halloween Reclamation." I know I sure could use a man like that around the house!

If Dr. Franklin seems a bit too old for your youthful and virginal aesthetic, why there's young Kyle Goldman! Though Kyle wasn't always so fresh and so clean, he has recently "gotten himself cleaned up, has started listening to Christian rock, and is now a respectable looking young lad. His parents - being Jewish - were hesitant to accept his new found faith, but they do consider it better that Kyle is now following Jesus instead of Marilyn Manson." Besides, the Jews killed Jesus.

But perhaps you're not willing to give up that inner Jesus lovin' wild-child. No worries! Fred "Skeet" Hawkins could be the hunk of burning love you've been waitng for! Not only does Skeet front his own youth ministry rock band: Zounds!, "He was recently appointed Abstinence Czar by the Fellowship Baptist Convention" !!! OOH! Date a Czar and be the envy of all your friends!

Not to forget, OBJECTIVE: Landover Baptist Shutdown also introduces Dr. Andrew Miller, a preacher with "the uncanny ability to inspire and empower his congregation with his fiery sermon stylings and preternatural exegesics." Whew! But hold on a moment ladies and gentlemen, this catch has been caught--just to warn you, he might be more of a "challenge."

Whether you're still searching for "The One" or you're just dying to know "Diamond" Jack Holgroth's favorite passage from scripture, I'm sure you can satisfy that need at the OBJECTIVE: Landover Baptist Shutdown members' page.

And may the lord have mercy on your soul.
OBJECTIVE: Christian Ministries [via Aislinn]
- posted by liz @ 12/03/2003 10:09:00 AM 0 comments

 
Waters does Ebert
John Waters includes his list for the top 10 movies of 2003 in the most recent issue of Artforum. Fan-Tastic, including:

1. Irreversible "Art shocker of the year..."
2. Dog Days "Astonishingly hateful..."
6. Swimming Pool "...the most amazing naked performance of the year..." [insert obligatory Paris Hilton joke here]
8. Ken Park "Leave It to Beaver goes hardcore. Bravo!"
10. Friday Night "So slow. So infuriating. So sexy."

- posted by liz @ 12/02/2003 12:46:00 PM 0 comments

 
Hating on Britney.
"A groundswell of sites like ihatebritneyspears.com make her the most detested celeb on the Internet, suggesting not everyone's running to buy her chart-topping new album, "In the Zone." [NYP]

Honestly, who assigned this story?? Who at the New York Post thought it would be a good idea to actually pay someone to sit in front of a computer all day googling "I hate Britney Spears." And then actually writing about the results. Which. Are. Shocking. According to this landmark study, there are actually more Britney-hating sites than Britney-loving sites. And as Gawker mentions, the growth rate of the hating-sites is astronomical! This saddens me. Who are these people, these thousands of misled people who devote their time to creating a site specifically for the purpose of hating Britney Spears?? I'm just so confused. Why would anyone hate Britney? And how do I get a gig writing for the Post?
Googling the Stars [from New York Post]
- posted by liz @ 12/02/2003 09:57:00 AM 0 comments

 
The obsession continues.
"Dec. 2 — Don’t expect any of Michael Jackson’s staff to blab to the tabs. The embattled entertainer — who is facing child molestation charges — makes all of his employees sign “incredibly prohibitive” confidentiality agreements, says a source who has seen one of the contracts"[via MSNBC]

These things are supposedly 3 pages long. I think I need to see one really badly. Maybe The Smoking Gun could take care of it??

Whatever. I definitely need to start doing this myself. Perhaps I will start carrying around confidentiality agreements. All the time. Anyone who comes within earshot of my antics has to sign one. God knows I embarrass myself frequently enough.
- posted by liz @ 12/02/2003 09:11:00 AM 0 comments

 
Everything I need to know I learn from Moby.
I'm still a big fan of moby. He is one of the most amazing, charismatic, energetic, crazy, ridiculous, fantastic live performers I have ever seen and probably will ever see. I have to respect that. Though in the past, my love stemmed partially from my own card-carrying PETA member and super-vegan status, now I like him in spite of the fact that I have become one with beef (so to speak). I buy into most of his soap-boxing lefty opinions and have a tendency to read his daily thoughts on moby journal. It's good stuff, if you're into walking the thin line between overwhelming-disgust-turned-to-apathy and overwhelming-disgust-turned-to-rage. From his November 30th posts, I learned that Schwarzenegger is a completely horrible, horrible Republican, cutting back on the poor and education, amongst other crimes against humanity. Per usual. So really, I guess that I should have said "for everything I ever needed confirmed, moby was there to oblige."
- posted by liz @ 12/01/2003 02:00:00 PM 0 comments

 
Something to make your first day back more tolerable...
Ah, thank you thousands of emails for filling my inbox and giving me something thoroughly un-work-related to do, as I am back at work. Against my better judgement. Coming back after the long weekend is really just completely unpleasant. But this isn't. Please PLEASE someone order a clone of their vulva or wang (if you will) just so I can have the pleasure of knowing you. It could possibly make my life complete. [and thank YOU popbitch]
- posted by liz @ 12/01/2003 09:39:00 AM 0 comments